Words fail me. It’s not often, I admit, and it comes as quite a relief to my nearest and dearest but in this case, the best I can do is let the original post about Telefonica’s latest scam as reported by Direct-Telecom speak for itself.

I was sweet-talked into an Ikea telephone deal last year that ended up with me paying MORE for my phone calls too. Check the small print!

For a family of four (plus one teenage friend) the list of things to do in Tenerife is more than enough to keep everyone happy for two weeks. From bike rafting which everyone thoroughly enjoyed, to whale watching and jeep safari’s to La Gomera, Bob-Diving and theme parks galore the island is stuffed with opportunities to have fun and make friends.

For one little girl, making friends was not high on her list on the day she visited the camel park:

As Versi said one way to pick up a language is to watch t.v. in that language. You’ll find some funny Spanish soaps on the local channels. Like soaps everywhere, they are full of drama, tears, stolen kisses and temper tantrums. Or you can catch translated versions of popular US series like Lost or make it a point to always watch the news in Spanish.

Another way to make learning Spanish more fun is to follow Spanish blogs. Versi’s Me Yo Misma…. is very entertaining. And it is so much more interesting to work your way through each blog post with English/Spanish dictionary in hand than to do the same with a dusty old text book. If you are completely lost when viewing Versi’s blog or any other Spanish page, don’t forget you can always click on the translate button on the Google toolbar.

I am ashamed to say my level of Spanish is fairly dismal. Though I can usually understand the gist of what is going on around me and even think up a pithy reply in my head, the second I am put on the spot all vocabulary deserts me and I am left mouthing silently like a goldfish.

As one of my New Year resolutions in 2006 (that and doing something about my habit of putting things off), I promised myself I would get my Spanish speaking skills at least up to the level of my then two year old son. I figured if I could just keep up with him then I’d be doing fine. The trouble there is that he never stops talking and he doesn’t much care what language he is doing it in. Now at four years old he prattles on in Spanish at machine gun speed and I am left in the dust.

Formal lessons – I can’t imagine when I will ever have the time to commit to them. Easy as it is to simply say make time, I couldn’t squeeze the extra two hours a week in even if there were 26 hours in every day.

So that leaves me with online courses. My mother collects Spanish courses like other people collect stamps. It doesn’t seem they are doing her very much good though as her Spanish only improves when she is participating in classes. She prefers the personal feedback I guess but the point here is that I didn’t want to look into anything she had already tried. That crosses out Pimsleur, Michel Thomas and a few others.

So having hunted around I found two possible downloadable courses, Rocket Spanish and Synergy Spanish. Costs for either are not unreasonable ($100 for one and $60 for the other) though I am more attracted to Synergy simply because its premise is that with learning only 138 Spanish words you can communicate naturally and in any situation. 138 words. I can do that! The Synergy course creator also emphasises that in many situations being bold is far more important than being perfect. I think if I could ditch the need to overanalyise what I am trying to say, I’d get on much better.

The other, Rocket Spanish seems more interactive with vocabulary games, grammar games etc. Maybe it would be more fun to learn with. As I am not 100% decided, I have downloaded the free trial of both and will let you know how I get on.

With one member of a currently visiting branch of the family suffering from ’sun scream’ it seems appropriate to pass on some advice I received recently from a dermatologist. Though I am not pale-skinned, my skin is fairer than the typical Spanish/Latino skin types you will see here. The dermatologist was very firm that loose long sleeved cotton shirts and light trousers, large brimmed floppy hats and high factor suncream were essential for lighter skinned expats living in Tenerife.

Just in case you are not convinced here are some scary facts:

• Skin cancer is the most commonly diagnosed cancer in the world.
• Suffering just one blistering sunburn in your life will increase your chances of developing skin cancer by 60%
• 80% of your lifetime sun damage is received by the time you are 18 years old.

These and more are discussed at Cancer Crusaders

And here are a couple more sites specifically aimed at getting kids toi cover up in the sun.

Sunwise – teaching kids to take care in the sun.
Sun Care for Kids

Quick tip: If your shadow is longer than you are then you are safe in the sun. If your shadow is shorter than you are, the sun can burn your skin.

After all the excitement of my blood test at Mahon I was absolutely ravanous but it was only 8.30 and at that time in the morning where to go? The little burger van (bocadillo van?) at Mahon is alright I suppose but a cafe con leche and a doughnut just wouldn’t hit the spot this morning.

Instead we made for Alejandra’s Cafe at the side of Costa Sol in Costa Del Silencio and I got a cracking Scottish breakfast – two rashers of bacon, toast, beans, mushrooms, a fried egg, a tattie scone and a slice of black pudding for €4. Compared to the average of €3.06 for a cup of coffee or tea with milk, two slices of toast and an orange juice not too bad at all.

Alejandro’s is about the only place at the top end of Costa Del Silencio that is open at that time of the morning so it is ideal for early birds.

That section of Mahon which deals with blood tests and samples opens at 7.30 am. It has to open early because all the people there who are waiting for a blood test have had nothing to eat and tempers are running high.

I got there at about 7.20 and was delighted with all the polite smiles and nods. One man helpfully pointed out who was last (and therefore who I would be after) and everyone nodded and smiled at me again. Little did I know that this show of civility was but a thin veneer and as soon as the door opened any thought of an orderly queue forming was out the window as the mob stampeded through it in a mad rammy to get the first ticket.

Swept along in the crowd I did not to badly and settled down with yesterday’s crossword to wait my turn. When my number was called I went to the desk where I received a clutch of test tubes and was prodded down the corridor to wait in another queue. The pressure was obviously on down this hall as polite smiles had given way to stony-faced attention on the lab doors.

The test-tube nurse was cracking through her job while the blood-taking nurses were backing up quite a bit. More people began to fill the little corridor and those inside the blood-letting chamber seemed not to want to leave. We all glanced at each other nervously when one woman let out a chilling groan. Dear God! What were they doing to her?

The man beside me started to sweat and I was reminded of an old friend, Jeff who fainted at the birth of his son. Jeff didn’t go bottoms up at the good bit though, oh no, he hit the deck when he saw the nurse inject his wife with a mild sedative. He was papped out of the delivery room and spent the rest of Anne’s labour in a spare bed down the hall.

At last there was some movement at the door and a couple exited. A dapper little chap in a crisp white shirt was out his seat and through that door like a bullet out a gun. He certainly came right out of left field as he’d been so quiet and relaxed no-one was prepared for him to make his bid for the blood room. The man next to me let out a great sigh and shook his head. He obviously felt he should have been next but fear had welded his bottom to the chair.

By now the hall was getting quite claustrophobic but through the wall of bodies barreled an enormous woman who breenged into the blood room demanding she be seen to next. As one woman up the corridor rose to her feet to protest, an elderly man shooed her back to her seat and took the arrogant queue-jumper to task himself. Just at that point there was a loud crash and through the door to blood room number 2, I could see a pair of finely turned ankles as my dapper little man from before keeled over like a felled oak. One male nurse grabbed his ankles and another his shoulders and they humphed him past the door and out of sight but not before I noticed the poor lad’s skin. He’d gone a startling primrose yellow which might be a pretty colour for the front room but is not such a good look on your face.

By now the queue jumper was bellowing back at the elderly man, “Diabetico!”. She was obviously laying it on thick about being diabetic and having no breakfast but the crowd were not impressed and the large lady ended up stamping off in a huff.

By now I had completely lost track of who was next but I suspected that if I didn’t go into action soon I’d be pushed past by the growing mob at my back. As the groaner finally exited Door number 1 I leapt to my feet waving my little pink ticket and through into the little cubicle where a pretty nurse sat unruffled by all the drama. She chatted away at me obviously totally unfazed by all the shouting and fainting.

As she stuck the needle in I glanced away and there on the other side was the once dapper, yellow man beginning to come round. I was glad to see his colour was coming back and that he would be alright. Finished with me now, the chatty nurse tapped my wrist and waved me off with a big smile. It’s always nice to see people enjoying their jobs but I suspect she was always enjoying the morning’s entertainment and I wonder if it is always quite so lively at the Mahon blood clinic.

If you have to go, get there early – before 7.30. Take a ticket as soon as the doors open and after you are given your test tubes go right up the corridor to the far end. That way you are right in front of the lab doors and queue jumpers can’t get past you.