Yes, as the tour slogan says, the Harlem Globetrotters are ‘Magic as Ever’, and they’re hitting Tenerife on Sunday 2nd of November. Get your tickets for the show, kicking off at 12:00 o’clock in the Pabellon ‘Santiago Martin’ from Caja Canaria. Upper stands cost €20, central stand €25 and ringside €30.

Okay, this just doesn’t make sense to me but what do I know, right? The kids schoolbooks this year are to be subsidised by the government by way of a charged card which parents can then use to go to the nearest bookshop and purchase said books.

So does the teacher, who presumably has paid enough attention to the kids in her charge for the last two years to be able to identify the parents or guardians of the children in her class, maybe usher in one parent per family and have them sign for the card?

Uhm, no.

Does the parent or guardian receive the card in the mail? After all, the ed. board knows very well which children at each school are in which year and will require which books.

Aaah. Too simple.

Can the parent go with ID and completed form counter-signed by the kid’s teacher to the school secretary and pick up the card from there.

Now you are just being silly!

Does the school require an unseemly mob to gather en masse in front of the secretary’s office and demonstrate their skills at queue-jumping, elbow thrusting and scowling all to be given a number whereupon they must move venue to stand in front of the admin office and wait for the number to be called?

You got it!

Extra points are given to those parents who diligently take their kids to school every day, attend the parent-teacher meetings and follow the kids sheepishly round town on the school parade days but who are inexplicably not included on the register of parents. Instead of the afore-mentioned skills, a nifty turn in foot-stamping can be practised at the point when they are told that the flipping charged tarjeta must be picked up instead by the father who is always at work and never has the time to attend the school for anything.

Here’s a crazy thought. Seeing as how the books are to be paid for anyway, would it not benefit everybody (except perhaps the local bookshops) if the government subsidised the full value of the books and paid the amount directly to the schools which could then deal directly with the suppliers thus scoring a significant discount for buying bulk. The money saved can be added to the schools’ funds and used in whichever way it is needed.

Nah. That’s too logical. It would never work.

But not for long if I can help it.

Taking my now massive Presa pup to the vet is something of an event. As we have been using the vet in Guaza which is not in walking distance, I had to wait for him indoors to drive us there. Sitting in the back of the car with a slobbering, clumsy galoot of a dog was not the best part of my day and it did not start to look up at all when he vomited on my shoes.

I squelched into the surgery and Tito was wrestled onto the scales. 45 kilos. Given that he is still growing while I am trying hard to lose the pounds I packed on after quitting smoking I guess we’ll cross about the 50 kilo mark and he’ll top out at about 60 kilos.

The vet happily billed us for a rabies vaccination and chip and provided the pain meds we needed for our Boxer’s HD. Then I broached the subject of neutering. The vet snorted and said that it was, ‘no necessario’. I could have castrated the vet with my bare hands at that point.

Of course I know that castrating Tito its not necessary in as much as it it is not a legal requirement but I do believe it is necessary to assure that he has a long and happy life, free from the frustrations and aggression that afflict some adult male dogs.

So with my partner already feeling squeemish at the thought of Tito losing his testicles, the vet’s input has just given him more reason to prevaricate and it is back to the drawing board as far as convincing him that Tito won’t pine for the loss of his family jewels.

There are certain markers that set civilised communities apart from those who have not yet clawed their way out of the primordial ooze. One of them has been proven scientifically to be the ability to offer semi-skimmed fresh milk in a manner which preserves it in a drinkable state for more than 3.2 nano-seconds after opening the carton.

After a great deal of research I am afraid I have not been able to source this basic staple of modern life as yet in Tenerife. Oh, yes, you can buy cartons of supposed fresh, semi-skimmed milk by the truck load but just try pouring any of it in your Alpen in the morning and you tell me if the curdy, smelly sludge that lands atop your muesli bears any resemblance to milk.

The Times reports sky high prices for flights to Tenerife and elsewhere on the back of the XL airline collapse.

Its nice to know that in these hard times companies like Thomson are willing to go the extra mile isn’t it. Thomson obviously tried its very hardest not to take the mickey. They only increased a flight for two from Gatwick to Lanzarote from £460 to £1,342.

Good grief.

Two fabulous and much loved dogs urgently need to find a new home.

Due to unforeseen circumstances owner Josy must return home to the UK as soon as possible and is not able to take Lui and Benjamin with her.

Josy is understandably heartbroken and all the more so because the home she thought had been arranged fell through at the last minute.

Please, please if you have room in your casa and your corazon for one (or two) new four legged friends consider these great guys.

Both are male, about six years old, castrated, fully vaccinated and chipped. Lui the handsome collie-cross has a sweet and affectionate nature while Benjamin (who looks very much like my Tito) is just a big darling who is totally food oriented and loves everybody.

Call Josy on 606736751.

After a very, very long summer, I am delighted to report that the kids are back to school. The little guy was so happy to be going back that he ran and skipped all the way down the road and must have covered twice as much ground as Hania, Bampa and I.

At the grand old age of seven, Hania was much more dignified although she broke into a huge smile when her best friend Eva showed up in the school yard.

As we had to first install Hania in her new fila before taking the little one over to the pre-escolar building, Sami was late to line up. There was a long line of kids in front of him but that did not stop him elbowing his way through them to give his beloved teacher, Francy, a huge smacker.

Francy looked to have her work cut out as the new children under her charge included a pair of identical twins who seemed determined not to let go of each other or their mother and dug their heels in screaming.

In contrast, Sami marched into school with a huge grin on his face and I coincidentally seemed to get something in my eye just as he walked by me waving and shouting, ‘See ya later, allligator!’

Shortly thereafter Bampa and I were installed in our usual schoolday morning spot with a cafe con leche and a crossword each. After the doldrums of summer, the town is back to normal and I expect I wasn’t the only one to breathe a huge sigh of relief that we are finally back to school (and peace and quiet).