It’s one thing to resign yourself to growing old gracefully if you looked like Audrey Hepburn to begin with but the only famous person I have ever been likened too is Boy George. (Thankfully that was in his Karma Chameleon years). Unfortunately now that my dumpy self and Scottish complexion are in my forties, I find myself magnetically attracted to the bottles of snake oil that stuff the pharmacy shelves. I fondle the packaging and slyly read the box ready to tell the assistant, should she ask, that I’m looking for a present for my Mum.
Stopping by the Parafarmacia Vera at the bottom of Las Galletas today to pick up some kids tutti-fruti toothpaste I couldn’t help myself drifting towards the wonder creams. From a distance a rack of silver and blue boxes caught my eye and I squinted myopically to see the legend – Snail Dribble. What?
I couldn’t resist turning the box over and instead of Spanish, I found a French translation, Bave d’Escargot (Snail Slobber) and I thanked God that no matter how crinkly I got I was never, ever going to be deperate enough to lather myself in snail slime – I mean, horrific as it sounds snail dribble isn’t accurate is it? I’m sure that silvery trail comes out of quite a different part of the snail’s anatomy…
The assistant who no doubt thought she was on to a good thing shot over to let me know what a fabulous difference this miracle ointment would make to me. Giving her a look which I hope conveyed how silly was her initial notion that my skin was in any way in need of snail dribble, I assured her that I was in fact only looking for possible Christmas presents.
For my mother!
Oh, LOL! I caught the late night tele shopping ads for a similar snail trail product a few times. In Spanish it’s called Baba de Caracol and if you search YouTube, you can find loads of ads for it, a similar product called Karakol Kream and, here it is again dressed up for the English speaking market in the US as “Snail serum“. Likewise, I wouldn’t care if I began to resemble old parchment, there is NO WAY I’d put that on my face.