Part of the problem with finding a job here in Tenerife is finding legitimate offers. Those who scour the positions vacant columns of the local Spanish newspapers are usually disappointed to find that many of the jobs listed are not for jobs at all but ads for specialist training supposedly required before applying for specific jobs.

These are always set out as if there are scores of attractive positions available and only those who have paid for and taken the training on offer are likely to be accepted. What a load of rubbish!

Still, if you are looking for a job in Tenerife and are not interested in the scratch card brigade, don’t want to be a PR pulling people off the street and into bars and restaurants and you can’t sing a note what options have you got?

I recently stumbled across something you might want to look into. Called it is an employment site which does list a sizable number of jobs across Spain and a couple of hundred current ones for right here in Tenerife. The cowboy training mob seem not to have caught on yet, so the offers are realistic.

You need to understand some Spanish in order to scan the ads but they are easy to navigate and there is even the odd offering for English speakers including one for an English native speaking Kundenbetreuer for an International Bank. That is amusing considering that I am a native English speaker and I wouldn’t know a Kundenbetreuer if I fell over one in the park but there you go. If you happen to be a jobless Kundenbetreuer now you know where to look for a new job in Tenerife.

You can search the Infojob database via location, job type and by keyword. Try using ‘ingles’ in the search box to see what you come up with today.

The other side of this coin of course is that any business who lists their jobs vacant on this site are guaranteed a certain level of familiarity with the internet. A good start for those advertising web design and marketing positions of which there are a few.

Spanish labour law tends to come down on the side of the worker but that is only true if you know what your rights are and when they have been trampled on.

Take one boss I know of who happily agreed to a Spanish worker taking some vacation time. Off the employee went to spend two glorious weeks with family on the mainland only to come back and find she had been fired for not turning up to work. Because the employee did not have a signed letter stating the vacation period she could not prove that the boss’s permission had been given for the time off. Her non-appearance at her place of work was just cause for firing her and the company  did not have to give her any severance pay (finiquito).

The same boss later called a British worker into his office and asked him to sign a paper. The document written entirely in Spanish was notification of dismissal and included a clause which stated that the man was being fired because he was slacking off. In signing it, the worker was ‘admitting’ to this fabricated transgression and therefore blew any chance he may have had at receiving severance pay (finiquito).

This employer, whom we shall call The Joker for his predilection at playing tricks on his employees, is a wily old bird. He juggles employees between companies, holds back salaries to afford materials for production and is currently conducting a manufacturing business in a place that is unsafe to work.

You have to wonder why The Joker has not been denounced yet. I can only guess that the staff he mistreats are afraid of not finding any other jobs in this current economic climate. Is it better, to work for pay that will come late than not to be working at all?

I know that the company in question provides services for some of Spain’s major tourist attractions – including several here on Tenerife. Would they still give the work to The Joker if they knew how shoddily he treated his staff?  Sadly, I guess the answer to that question is yes. I am sure The Joker is undercutting his rivals to the bone and if the marketing department of the large tourist companies can save a few thousand euros on production who cares how The Joker manages to keep his prices so low, right?

As an expat in Tenerife or Spain, you should be aware that it is not a good idea to sign any document that you do not understand.

If you feel you have been unfairly treated, wrongfully dismissed or had unlawful deductions made to your salary you do have 20 days to take the case before the labour courts (Magistratura de Trabajo) but your rights may be seriously affected if you have signed any document that would allow your employer wriggle out of his obligations.

George Gray of The Tenerife Property Guide kindly invited me to write an article for him on the basics of SEO (Search Engine Optimisation).

In cases where a business owner decides to leap into the breach and design his own website – something that is becoming easier every day – it is quite normal for  search engine optimisation elements to be missed off entirely until he or she starts looking into why their newly fledged baby is not flying quite as high or as fast as they had hoped.

In time some will realise that their website is missing the ‘keys’ that would open the door to search engine visitors. Others will never find that out and instead simply assume that internet marketing is a load of hyped up garbage.

That is unfortunate because there are no other methods of marketing as cheap and effective to my knowledge as internet marketing.

It must be even more upsetting for those who pin their hopes on a website for which they have paid a designer in the expectations of it coming out the box shiny and new and ready to take on the world. Unless the designer has incorporated SEO elements into the website that is not going to happen.  So again they may investigate and discover the benefits of SEO  or they may never know the reason why their new site never gets off the ground.

In the latter case, the paying customer only sees a loss of money and thereafter considers the internet to be waste of budget and time.

Most web designers today will include the basics of SEO but if you are currently unhappy with the performance of your website that is the first thing you ought to look at.  Is your site being found in the search engines for terms related to your business (and by that I don’t mean by your company name). If not, why not?

Read The Tenerife Property Guide – SEO – Help is at Hand

I’ve received a couple of emails lately from people who would like to sell their Tenerife property. Don’t know why they are sending to me as the blog is called Tenerife TATTLE not Tenerife Tatler, Jings! I have my doubts that most of TT’s readers have  two ha’pennies to rub together never mind a couple of hundred thousand stashed in the mattress but, sigh, I live to serve.

I thought this 3 bedroom property looked a real humdinger and at €40,000 less than its nearest market comparable (so they tell me) it is a bargain at only €375,000.  That’s even cheaper than some of its two bedroom neighbours despite being decorated and furnished throughout.

The property is located in La Caleta and the owner wants a quick sale. I tell you what, if they throw in that telescope I might be tempted.

Contact me if you are interested in the property and I’ll pass your details along.

Oh, what a flaming nightmare I have had for the last week. It started with a couple of emails refusing to send on OUTLOOK and snowballed into no ftp, an unstable and dead slow internet connection and culminated in no internet whatsoever and me having kittens about my inability to get my work done on the internet.

I’ve been back and forth with a lovely lady in the US where my sites are hosted. I’m sure if she was within striking distance she would have given me a cuddle and a cup of tea she was so sympathetic (thank you Sheila of FQ) but unfortunately there was nothing she could do.

John of Sorted Sites lent me a sympathetic ear too and recommended I call ‘his computer guy’, Col, who talked me into getting a grip and pointed me in the direction of how to properly do a full system scan (get off the internet for a start).

After scanning and scouring the pc with assorted anti-virus and bug killers all weekend I was sure that the computer was clean and would now run like a well oiled racehorse (or something like that) but to my great frustration the damn thing still sat there like a fat slug, refusing to do more than creep on to one page of the internet before keeling over in exhaustion once again.

Telefonica were useless. I knew it was their router that was at fault. I tried to tell them that. First call resulted in me being sent packing to the English department. The lady there must have a hot link to the technical depatment though because she bounced me back to the techies quicker than I could say ‘Then what’s the bloody use having an English Department?’

To cut a long (long, long, long) story short about three days and a million calls to Telefonica later we were still no further forward. George at The Tenerife Property Guide had had an earful of my plight when he called me mid-week and kindly offered me the use of an extra router he had lying about.

I cantered down to get it yesterday full of hope and pondered for a moment or two over the odd bits and bobs that are to be found in George’s store room. I knew better than to try and plug and play the router myself because by now I was beginning to suspect that aliens were emitting a magnetic frequency through me that were frying any computer equipment that I came within five feet off. That turned out to be a clever move because then I couldn’t get the blame when His Nibs tried to install it and it didn’t work. (heh!)

But before the abortive attempt to get the replacement router installed there was an added little twist to the day. Our car had just been brought out of the garage that morning having had repairs to the driver side door. It had gone through the car wash and was sitting there in the car park looking all shiny when three little yobos came along and stoved in the passenger side window! My neighbour saw them do it. Thankfully she did not intervene as I would rather have a stoved in window than a duffed up neighbout but can you imagine!

Anyway, George’s router did not work last night and by this morning there was no choice but to call in the cavalry. Cue Ackie who arrived at 9.00 am to find me clucking over the computer like a worried old hen and left at 10 having changed the router and got my pc singing like a lark again. Thank you Ackie and Hello World!

If you happen to develop a mouth ulcer while in Tenerife and wander into a farmacia to ask for something like Bonjela, do not believe the smiley assistant that fobs you off with a tube of Sanodin ‘Gel’.

In the first place there is nothing remotely gel-like about this stuff. It is brownish and gritty and after applying it in innocent expectation of immediate soothing relief from a nippy mouth ulcer you are more likely to make a bee-line for the mirror in disbelief. It turns into super-glue in your mouth and cements your lips to your teeth leaving you feeling like Neo in the Matrix after the machines had melted his mouth shut.

Very weird. And quite honestly all I can say after that experience is mmmmmphhf.

I asked a couple of the kids in my daughter’s class what they were wanting for Christmas this year and amongst the Barbie this and the Hulk that were a couple of ‘cachorros’. Puppies!

I wonder how people who work at the animal shelters feel about Christmas. With the pens heaving and not a square inch to squeeze in one more four legged soul it must be very tempting to wave a few fur babies off as Christmas presents. But the animal rescue volunteers know very well that many a Christmas morning’s furry bundle turns into Easter’s mangy stray dog or street cat.

What they want to see is not the temporary respite of a little more space in the shelter but the dogs and cats in their care going to forever homes where they will never be abandoned or neglected again.

I have mentioned Sharon Haslam from Happy Tails who visits me regularly to help me keep Tito under some semblance of control. Sharon also works with K9 Tenerife to ensure that the dogs who are rehomed from there settle in and is available for further support if needed by the new owners.

If you are considering getting your kids a pet for Christmas, I’d suggest holding off until the festive season is well by. That puppy or kitten that stole everyones’ heart on Christmas morning will have peed on the floor once too often or clawed the new speakers to bits by Valentine’s Day. The luckiest of them will find their way to a shelter while the rest will swell the ranks of abandoned animals on the streets of Tenerife.

You’ll have your pick of great companions and instead of paying a fortune to the breeder you can give a welcome donation to the shelter and put some money towards Sharon’s excellent dog training services.