You know the story, The Emperor’s Clothes, in which two swindlers convince the Emperor that the robe they weave for him out of fresh air is in fact spun from thread so pure that only the most worthy can see it? The town go wild swooning over the quality of the fabulous robe while the Emperor struts around in his altogether like a bantam cock  (oops) until one little boy pipes up that the Emperor has no clothes on.

In my humble opinion a lot of  Emperor’s Clothes syndrome goes on in the art world.  Some rich, powerful or insane art critic gives the nod to some ghastly piece of work and because of his or her stature everyone else falls over themselves to agree how wonderful the monstrosity is.

Tracey Emin's 'My Bed'

Take Tracey Emin’s My Bed for example. (Please take it somewhere far away. Then burn it).  It is an ugly and depressing thing that detracts from its environment and blights the world. Who in their right mind would give it house room (Charles Saatchi, actually!) much less put it up as a contender in a major art competition?

Fountain of Fuglies

Something just as ugly has sprung up in the middle of Costa del Silencio. As part of the general refurbishment of the town the council in all their wisdom have removed the totems that stood in front of El Chapparal for over thirty years. The residents were told that the old wooden structures had started to decay but replicas would be made and would soon replace the original carvings.

The best of a bad bunch

The totems had a meaning and a place in the heart of the town. They represented the combined community of the seven Canary Islands and yet as each totem was unique, they also represented the individuality of each of the islands. The totems also stood tall and proud, fulfilling a basic requirement of most landmarks.  They could be seen from a distance.

Soon after the totems were taken down workers started construction on a large oval basin. Obviously some sort of fountain…

Is it a bird, is it a plane...

It seemed to have seven pipes and light fittings. Could this mean a dancing fountain of seven different  coloured water spouts?  That would be nice to sit and watch of a summer evening, eh?

Work went on and on. Much time was spent on the mosiac round the outside of the ‘fountain’. It was almost as if the workers did not want to get to the next step – installing the figures. I am not suprised.

All boobs and no brains

God in Govan, who dreamt this horror up? And who rubber stamped it?  If art is deemed successful if it inspires emotion then I must say this monstrosity is a runaway success because I hate it so much I am inspired to smash it to pieces with a baseball bat.

I am not alone. No-one in Costa Del Silencio likes the thing. The consensus of opinion is that the government is poking fun at the tourists. But what cruel fun. Look at these dumpy, gormless creatures!

Duh!

Are these seven hefty bathers, staring slack-mouthed at the sky supposed to express the unity yet individuality of the seven Canary Islands? If so I wonder which one is represented by the men-things which have a bigger moob problem than Jack Nicholson.

The water that you see in the pictures really is that colour. If people in CDS start to succumb to swamp-borne disease you will know where to find the hot zone. I don’t think the council has ever turned on the pumps making this eyesore also an excellent nursery pond for mosquitos.

Many think that this street installation is an insult to the tourism and expatriate money that made Tenerife what it is today. To me it is a blot on the landscape and a dire waste of council money which could have been better spent renovating poor, neglected Damon Park. To one little boy, it is something of a mystery. “Couldn’t they do people good?” my son asked me in a puzzled tone.

It’s true. You would have thought that if someone’s bright idea of modern art was a stone bath full of metal transexuals  in the centre of the town that they would have hired a half decent artist to make a proper go of it.

Still, you never know. Tenerife’s ‘Fountain of Fuglies’ may succeed where Tracey Emin failed and win the Turner Prize. If so, can we spend the prize money on Damon Park, donate the ugly thing to Charles Saatchi and have our totems back please.

Give us back our totems!

Costa Del Silencio is only 10 minutes from Reina Sofia airport in Tenerife South, sitting together with Las Galletas on the coastal corner of on the island before it tips up towards Los Cristianos and Las Americas and on to Los Gigantes on the southwest.

The whole small town has been receiving a bit of a face lift recently with footpaths widened and upgraded and a new one way road system. The new pavements are roomy and pleasant – a vast improvement on the narrow and bumpy kerbside trails that made walking from the Hermusa supermarket down to Las Galletas an ankle-breaking adventure rather than a gentle promenade.

Work has been completed in the stretch of Avenida Jose Antonio Tavio much to the relief of shop and bar-owners in the Chapparal and Tre Bol complexes and also from Ten Bel up Calle Diana as far as Maravilla and Desimar while it has just begun in the area of De La Te just past Club Marino and on past Alondras Park to Coral Mar.

Over the next few months I’d be recommending holiday makers look towards the self catering and hotel complexes of Palia Don Jose and Palia Don Pedro as well as Eureka and Maravilla as these properties are in locations where work is completed or not likely to start for the forseeable future.

Alborada is no longer a tourist option as it has turned 100% residential and discourages holiday letting.

Those tourists with disabilities who visit Tenerife are invited to present themselves at authorised issuing centres and after paying a €15 refundable deposit pick up a Eurokey which will give them access to adapted and protected facilities.

This is part of the greater Eurokey scheme which was launched in Germany with a view to providing guaranteed and secure toilets, emergency telephones and lifts to those mobility or visual disabilities. Eurokey support is now also available in Switzerland, Austria and Spain.

Though there is no mention of emergency telephones according to the Arona ayuntamiento Barriers Free Tourism Guide Book the Eurokey guarantees access to toilets at the following places:

Los Cristianos

Las Americas

Safari and Americas Plaza shopping centres
Las Americas beach Tourist Information Centre (EK required)
Public WC between Playa de Las Vstas and Playa del Camison

Las Galletas
Las Galletas Cultural Centre
Las Galletas beach

The Eurokey scheme seems like an excellent initiative which would guarantee clean and safe facilities to those with mobility or visual impairment. Unfortunately of those listed in the Barrier Free Tourism book by the Arona council only three are marked as requiring the EK and the only facilities that are included are toilets. The other toilets being public access cannot be considered part of the EK scheme and may or may not be safe,  clean and working depending on who was in there before you.

As the council is happy to boast in the book that the area’s 7 km coastal stretch is ‘Europe’s largest Barrier Free Pedestrian Sea Promenade’, and together with SINPROMI have made Playa de Las Vistas completely accessible you would think they would be willing to throw a little more effort into providing Eurokey secured facilities than three measly toilets, would’nt you?

Still, it may well be that more EK facilites have been added since that book went to print. If this is something that may be of interest to you, I think you might be best to contact the Tourist Information Offices for more details about the Eurokey on the email for accessible tourism which is turismoaccesible@arona.travel

The Feria Flores y Plantas is a regular event in Las Galletas held along the Rambla at the front of the Cultural Centre. It is on  a little earlier this year with the opening at 5.00 pm on Friday 22nd May. The official inauguration is at 7.00 pm followed by a musical performance.

On Saturday 23rd May the flower festival stalls open at 10.00 am with the beautiful plants and flowers available for sale. A photo exhibition called III Maratón Fotográfico de Las Galletas opens at the same time and the children’s play area opens at 10.30.

The  flower arranging class which was very popular last year is at 10.30 and later in the day there is class in Infusions and Canarian Remedies which I bet would be very interesting.

The day is rounded off by another musical performance at 7.30pm.

On Sunday the stalls and kids’ play area open at the same times but this time the 10.30 class is about growing salad vegetables, the musical performance its at 6.00pm and at 7.00 pm there will be a presentation of prizes and certificates for the photography exhibition participants.

Here is a post about the  Las Galletas Flower Festival 2008 .

New owners Chris and Andy took over The Globe Bar (in Tre Bol, next to Mr. Booze Sports Bar) with a brilliant opening party. They started as they mean to go on with good food and drinks at good prices and something different going on every night.

Definitely worth a visit. Details below. All I want to know is what is a WII night?

Lager 1.00 euro a pint 1.50 a pint at all other times.
Local wine by the glass 1 euro
Reina Bottles 1.00 euro
Locan spirit and can 2.00 euros.

Sunday Karaoke 9pm
Monday Movie Mania 9pm
Tuesday Pool Night 9pm
Wednesday Quiz Night 9pm
Thursday Karaoke Night 9pm
Friday Disco Night 9pm
Saturday WII Night 9pm

Food available all day everyday!