You know the story, The Emperor’s Clothes, in which two swindlers convince the Emperor that the robe they weave for him out of fresh air is in fact spun from thread so pure that only the most worthy can see it? The town go wild swooning over the quality of the fabulous robe while the Emperor struts around in his altogether like a bantam cock  (oops) until one little boy pipes up that the Emperor has no clothes on.

In my humble opinion a lot of  Emperor’s Clothes syndrome goes on in the art world.  Some rich, powerful or insane art critic gives the nod to some ghastly piece of work and because of his or her stature everyone else falls over themselves to agree how wonderful the monstrosity is.

Tracey Emin's 'My Bed'

Take Tracey Emin’s My Bed for example. (Please take it somewhere far away. Then burn it).  It is an ugly and depressing thing that detracts from its environment and blights the world. Who in their right mind would give it house room (Charles Saatchi, actually!) much less put it up as a contender in a major art competition?

Fountain of Fuglies

Something just as ugly has sprung up in the middle of Costa del Silencio. As part of the general refurbishment of the town the council in all their wisdom have removed the totems that stood in front of El Chapparal for over thirty years. The residents were told that the old wooden structures had started to decay but replicas would be made and would soon replace the original carvings.

The best of a bad bunch

The totems had a meaning and a place in the heart of the town. They represented the combined community of the seven Canary Islands and yet as each totem was unique, they also represented the individuality of each of the islands. The totems also stood tall and proud, fulfilling a basic requirement of most landmarks.  They could be seen from a distance.

Soon after the totems were taken down workers started construction on a large oval basin. Obviously some sort of fountain…

Is it a bird, is it a plane...

It seemed to have seven pipes and light fittings. Could this mean a dancing fountain of seven different  coloured water spouts?  That would be nice to sit and watch of a summer evening, eh?

Work went on and on. Much time was spent on the mosiac round the outside of the ‘fountain’. It was almost as if the workers did not want to get to the next step – installing the figures. I am not suprised.

All boobs and no brains

God in Govan, who dreamt this horror up? And who rubber stamped it?  If art is deemed successful if it inspires emotion then I must say this monstrosity is a runaway success because I hate it so much I am inspired to smash it to pieces with a baseball bat.

I am not alone. No-one in Costa Del Silencio likes the thing. The consensus of opinion is that the government is poking fun at the tourists. But what cruel fun. Look at these dumpy, gormless creatures!

Duh!

Are these seven hefty bathers, staring slack-mouthed at the sky supposed to express the unity yet individuality of the seven Canary Islands? If so I wonder which one is represented by the men-things which have a bigger moob problem than Jack Nicholson.

The water that you see in the pictures really is that colour. If people in CDS start to succumb to swamp-borne disease you will know where to find the hot zone. I don’t think the council has ever turned on the pumps making this eyesore also an excellent nursery pond for mosquitos.

Many think that this street installation is an insult to the tourism and expatriate money that made Tenerife what it is today. To me it is a blot on the landscape and a dire waste of council money which could have been better spent renovating poor, neglected Damon Park. To one little boy, it is something of a mystery. “Couldn’t they do people good?” my son asked me in a puzzled tone.

It’s true. You would have thought that if someone’s bright idea of modern art was a stone bath full of metal transexuals  in the centre of the town that they would have hired a half decent artist to make a proper go of it.

Still, you never know. Tenerife’s ‘Fountain of Fuglies’ may succeed where Tracey Emin failed and win the Turner Prize. If so, can we spend the prize money on Damon Park, donate the ugly thing to Charles Saatchi and have our totems back please.

Give us back our totems!

Further to yesterday’s post about revolting neighbours in Costa Del Silencio, today’s Diario de Aviso reports that a spokesperson for the owners at Chayofita contacted them to deny that there was a majority uprising against the planned urbanization works. On the contrary, he said, “the majority is in favor because at the owners’ meeting there were only two votes against.”

Oh what a shame. I was looking forward to a bit of a public mêlée.  Not that two people sat down in front of a small digger would have been much of a spectacle.

Anyway sticking to the whole Costa Del Silencio development story yesterday Costa Del Silencio’s shiny new image was unveiled to the  media and sundry worthy government bods who were proudly shown the finished work at Jose Antonio Tavio and Calle Diana.

Much was made of the broad walkways, gardens and the aesthetically pleasing fence that is set to sweep round the town in a uniting ribbon of metal.

I wonder if anyone  told them that though the broad walkway is complete at Calle Diana the aesthetically pleasing fence has only just been started. You can see the foundations for it behind the original fence which is still standing  up the length of the road from Bella Vista to Maravilla.

Once it has actually been erected the new fence for all its modern chunky poles is pretty useless anyway as I have seen a whole family squeeze between the bars in a shortcut to their apartment in Eureka.

According to the Mayor, Jose Alberto Gonzalez Reveron, there is still plenty of money in the kitty to finish other streets of this town (which I am sure will come as a great relief to the residents of Calle Minerva where works are currently in progress) as well as for a  65,000 square meters park.

There has been talk of a theme park being built in the neighbourhood for years so it will be a significant leap forward for this area should this rumour actually come to pass. The park when completed would be roughly a third the size of the spectacular Siam Park and no doubt shovel tourist money into the area by the coach load.

Diario de Aviso:  Costa Del Silencio Renews its Image

The neighbours are revolting in Costa Del Silencio.

Current roadworks and refurbishment of the CDS area has caused much upheaval in the last 18 months. Where once pushing a toddler’s pram along the path was risking death by car or getting hobbled by the cobbles now one could easily drive a JCB up the centre of the pedestrian walkways.

Walkers, cyclists, roller skaters, pram pushers … all can now skip along the pedestrian walkways arm in arm if they feel like it because the paths have gone from non-existent, ankle breaking road verges to great swathes of feet-friendly concrete. This is great news of course for those who didn’t enjoy taking their life in their hands when nipping to Hermusa for a pint of milk but in order to achieve this rambler’s nirvana there has been a bit of land grabbing going on resulting in great bites of garden being snatched off the local residential complexes.

Oddly, although in certain areas  the contractors appear to have finished, tidied up and sodded off all is not as it seems. A peek over the wall at the tennis courts at the corner of Poliferno and Calle Diana shows that despite work being apparently finished foundations have been laid for a new wall bout seven feet in from the current one.

Something similar must be going on at the Chayofita end of Costa Del Silencio because the residents of block 10 are up in arms about a new wall that is scheduled to bisect their garden.They have made formal complaints to the appropriate governement departments (which  shows the usual triumph of hope over experience) and no doubt expecting their petition to fall on deaf  ears they have also been in touch with the newspapers. The Diario de Avisos reports that the nighbours will not stand to have their gardens shredded and are willing to stand in front of the spades.

Ooooh. While it all sounds a bit ‘pitchforks at twenty paces’ tempers are running high. Watch this space.
View Costa Del Silencio in a larger map

Costa Del Silencio is only 10 minutes from Reina Sofia airport in Tenerife South, sitting together with Las Galletas on the coastal corner of on the island before it tips up towards Los Cristianos and Las Americas and on to Los Gigantes on the southwest.

The whole small town has been receiving a bit of a face lift recently with footpaths widened and upgraded and a new one way road system. The new pavements are roomy and pleasant – a vast improvement on the narrow and bumpy kerbside trails that made walking from the Hermusa supermarket down to Las Galletas an ankle-breaking adventure rather than a gentle promenade.

Work has been completed in the stretch of Avenida Jose Antonio Tavio much to the relief of shop and bar-owners in the Chapparal and Tre Bol complexes and also from Ten Bel up Calle Diana as far as Maravilla and Desimar while it has just begun in the area of De La Te just past Club Marino and on past Alondras Park to Coral Mar.

Over the next few months I’d be recommending holiday makers look towards the self catering and hotel complexes of Palia Don Jose and Palia Don Pedro as well as Eureka and Maravilla as these properties are in locations where work is completed or not likely to start for the forseeable future.

Alborada is no longer a tourist option as it has turned 100% residential and discourages holiday letting.

New owners Chris and Andy took over The Globe Bar (in Tre Bol, next to Mr. Booze Sports Bar) with a brilliant opening party. They started as they mean to go on with good food and drinks at good prices and something different going on every night.

Definitely worth a visit. Details below. All I want to know is what is a WII night?

Lager 1.00 euro a pint 1.50 a pint at all other times.
Local wine by the glass 1 euro
Reina Bottles 1.00 euro
Locan spirit and can 2.00 euros.

Sunday Karaoke 9pm
Monday Movie Mania 9pm
Tuesday Pool Night 9pm
Wednesday Quiz Night 9pm
Thursday Karaoke Night 9pm
Friday Disco Night 9pm
Saturday WII Night 9pm

Food available all day everyday!

With my daughter staying overnight with a friend and the little guy tucked away at Gaga’s for the night, my lesser half and I were free from the little people on a Saturday night. Yipeee!

I can still remember when the vague whiff of freedom would have me galloping off to the nearest dancefloor but instead we opted for a sedate walk round Costa Del Silencio. The first place we meant to visit was shut and the second may as well have been as we were the only customers.

Just across the road at Coral Mar, El Botijo was doing very nicely. There was a good little buzz in the dining area and enough custom to keep Amanda busy in the kitchen. Manolo, from Gran Canaria sang and played guitar for the diners while Natalie and Paula kept them happily fed and watered (or wined).

Sitting in the bar area instead of the dining section we enjoyed listening to Natalie’s banter and watching Amanda cook up a storm. Guitar-playing Manolo sang his heart out for the diners and then came to the bar and sang some more. Unfortunately though I took lots of video of him and the girls, as well as of regulars Dennis, Ben-ben and Blackie, I accidentally formatted my camera card so can’t show you any of it. What a plonker!

So, my apologies to Manolo but you’ll just have to take my word for it. If you are visiting Costa Del Silencio and are looking for good food, served with a smile, and at a cost that won’t break the bank head for El Botijo in Coral Mar.